Jokes | Phuks!

3

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal there is a dog.

posted by pembo210

3

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look o

posted by madazzahatter

2

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

posted by madazzahatter

2

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…

posted by madazzahatter

2

When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm and I couldn’t wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted which turns out is....

posted by madazzahatter

2

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the…

posted by madazzahatter

2

We'll We'll We'll...

posted by madazzahatter

2

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked…

posted by madazzahatter

2

If one swimmer in a synchronized swim team drowns, must they all?

posted by ScorpioGlitch

2

I just accidentally put my donor card into the ATM machine...

posted by madazzahatter

2

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

posted by madazzahatter

2

As I was parking in the lot at the hospital, an attendant came up and said, “This is for badge holders only!" I replied...

posted by madazzahatter

2

When I asked the librarian for a book on “Finding Bigfoot” she then directed me to...

posted by madazzahatter

2

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

posted by madazzahatter

2

I managed to resuscitate a clown the other day and now...

posted by madazzahatter

2

“Son, I found a condom in your room.”

posted by madazzahatter

2

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I...

posted by madazzahatter

2

What's the difference between E.T. and an immigrant?

posted by ScorpioGlitch

2

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

posted by madazzahatter

2

Clinton Global Initiative University of Chicago is no longer accepting applications (www.clintonfoundation.org)

posted by [Deleted]

2

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

posted by madazzahatter

1

A friend of mine was in a great U2 tribute band but then...

posted by madazzahatter

1

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"

posted by madazzahatter

1

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

posted by madazzahatter

1

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

posted by madazzahatter

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