Jokes | Phuks!

6

Where do you find a cat with no legs?

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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4

Proper grammar is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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4

I went to the library to borrow a book on English grammar but...

posted by madazzahatter

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3

Amish murderers...

posted by madazzahatter

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7

What’s the fastest way to massacre snails?

posted by madazzahatter

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5

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller AND the diaper bag, yet all she can talk about is how I forgot...

posted by madazzahatter

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4

My neighbor left 2 tickets for Coldplay in his car, right there on the seat, in plain site! Needless to say, someone smashed his window...

posted by madazzahatter

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7

I own a hive and today I noticed that all the worker bees were carrying placards, shouting about their rights and refusing to mate with the Queen...

posted by madazzahatter

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3

My wife and I have a fantasy of being Siamese twins, but we're not sure how to make it a reality...

posted by madazzahatter

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10

You can tell how old an artificial Christmas tree is by counting the rings of tape on the box.

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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7

I forgot how to write 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals. I’m LIVID.

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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10

A man asks God, "Why did you make the woman so beautiful?"

posted by jobes

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11

Cockroaches

posted by jobes

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10

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

posted by jobes

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13

A man had three girlfriends...

posted by E-werd

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11

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I wasn't married, I'd be married.

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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11

If you're here for the yodeling lesson...

posted by madazzahatter

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8

The robot asked, "Why did you build me? What is my purpose?"

posted by GuyIDisagreeWith

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6

The guy sitting next to me on the flight pulled out a photo of his wife...

posted by jobes

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12

I got in touch with my inner self today

posted by PhunkyPlatypus

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11

I was asked if I would accept $100,000 if it meant that the person I hated the most got $200,000...

posted by jobes

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2

If one swimmer in a synchronized swim team drowns, must they all?

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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6

I have an uncle that lives across the street...

posted by jobes

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2

What's the difference between E.T. and an immigrant?

posted by ScorpioGlitch

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9

I find it patronizing that a computer asks me to prove I'm not a robot.

posted by jobes

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