Jokes | Phuks!

3

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

posted by madazzahatter

3

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look o

posted by madazzahatter

2

“Son, I found a condom in your room.”

posted by madazzahatter

1

A bad workman blames his fools...

posted by madazzahatter

1

We'll We'll We'll...

posted by madazzahatter

3

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

posted by madazzahatter

3

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…

posted by madazzahatter

2

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

posted by madazzahatter

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We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the…

posted by madazzahatter

1

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"

posted by madazzahatter

2

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked…

posted by madazzahatter

2

My wife is turning 32 soon...

posted by madazzahatter

1

My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

posted by madazzahatter

1

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

posted by madazzahatter

1

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

posted by madazzahatter

3

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

posted by madazzahatter

2

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…

posted by madazzahatter

2

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

posted by madazzahatter

1

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

posted by madazzahatter

1

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...

posted by madazzahatter

3

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

posted by madazzahatter

2

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

posted by madazzahatter

2

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

posted by madazzahatter

1

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

posted by madazzahatter

1

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

posted by madazzahatter

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