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I wish I'd have found a wife/girlfriend before becoming professionally successful...

posted by ScorpioGlitch on Whatever

According to modern economic reckoning, I'm upper class. Traditionally (say what you'd expect anywhere between the 70s and 90s, maybe even up through 2005ish), I'd be middle class. Tough to wrap my mind around that still but whatever. The point is that I'm very well off financially and am in a brilliant position to nearly double my income in the next 6 months.

And I can't tell you how tough it is to find someone to date who isn't all about that income.

And it's not like I say anything about it. It's all those little stupid things people are on the lookout for when dating... like not looking at the total at a grocery store or not sighing when the restaurant bill comes due. Most of my clothes are business casual for work so those are in snappy nice condition because they have to be and even my slop clothes are, by habit, down-grades from business casual. I have almost no clothes that others would call "slop clothes." Everything I have I take good care of so there's no conversations about "My <blah> is in bad condition" or "I need <blah> at some point in my life." Those types of conversations are just completely missing on my end. Or even getting her flowers just because. My roof doesn't leak (though my basement does but in my area, that's extremely common) and I have no horror stories about what's materially wrong in my life... just a few projects to improve the house and property that I've been working on.

When it comes down to it, I want for nothing and have about everything I need. I don't oggle at a store window or drool over things in stores because I either already have it or know where to get it dirt cheap or have recognized that I don't want or need it.

I work in a corporate headquarters office so I need to maintain a business and clean appearance all the time despite being in a field where I could technically get away with looking like a slob if I really wanted to.

If I get asked to share stories about things I've done... well... I've done a lot. Been to a lot of places. I have no end of stories there.

I own my house, I have solar, I have a muscle car for every day driving and a very distinct truck for fun driving (and hauling but whatever). The house has been described to me by others as a "prestige house." It's very nice, very large, and each room is just small enough to be cozy without feeling cramped in any way. It also happens to be the second most expensive house in the entire neighborhood and I've recently had an extensive security system installed.

I am, quite literally, one of the most eligible bachelors in the city I live in.

I can't stand lying about who I am and what I've got to deal with...

So what do?

Is there a dating site for people in my situation? The lower reaches of upper class looking for someone who's not a gold digger or after my property? Or should I just consider online dating and never mention what I do for a living (dead giveaway that I have money) or how much I make?

According to modern economic reckoning, I'm upper class. Traditionally (say what you'd expect anywhere between the 70s and 90s, maybe even up through 2005ish), I'd be middle class. Tough to wrap my mind around that still but whatever. The point is that I'm very well off financially and am in a brilliant position to nearly double my income in the next 6 months. And I can't tell you how tough it is to find someone to date who isn't all about that income. And it's not like I say anything about it. It's all those little stupid things people are on the lookout for when dating... like not looking at the total at a grocery store or not sighing when the restaurant bill comes due. Most of my clothes are business casual for work so those are in snappy nice condition because they have to be and even my slop clothes are, by habit, down-grades from business casual. I have almost no clothes that others would call "slop clothes." Everything I have I take good care of so there's no conversations about "My <blah> is in bad condition" or "I need <blah> at some point in my life." Those types of conversations are just completely missing on my end. Or even getting her flowers just because. My roof doesn't leak (though my basement does but in my area, that's extremely common) and I have no horror stories about what's materially wrong in my life... just a few projects to improve the house and property that I've been working on. When it comes down to it, I want for nothing and have about everything I need. I don't oggle at a store window or drool over things in stores because I either already have it or know where to get it dirt cheap or have recognized that I don't want or need it. I work in a corporate headquarters office so I need to maintain a business and clean appearance all the time despite being in a field where I could technically get away with looking like a slob if I really wanted to. If I get asked to share stories about things I've done... well... I've done a lot. Been to a lot of places. I have no end of stories there. I own my house, I have solar, I have a muscle car for every day driving and a very distinct truck for fun driving (and hauling but whatever). The house has been described to me by others as a "prestige house." It's very nice, very large, and each room is just small enough to be cozy without feeling cramped in any way. It also happens to be the second most expensive house in the entire neighborhood and I've recently had an extensive security system installed. I am, quite literally, one of the most eligible bachelors in the city I live in. I can't stand lying about who I am and what I've got to deal with... So what do? Is there a dating site for people in my situation? The lower reaches of upper class looking for someone who's not a gold digger or after my property? Or should I just consider online dating and never mention what I do for a living (dead giveaway that I have money) or how much I make?

26 comments

[–] ScorpioGlitch [OP] 2 points (+2|-0)

Thanks for the advice.

I'm honestly just happy to sit at home getting things done and meditating when I'm not doing anything. So I'm fine with not actively looking. But I'm also fine with not going anywhere. Catch-22, I suppose.

More than anything, I guess I just want to figure out how to not be obviously better off than most. It was only 10 years ago that I was a few days from being homeless and literally not having a single cent to my name. I guess my fear, maybe?, is how do I figure out the money seekers from the honest ones? Preferably before anything becomes too serious.

[–] [Deleted] 2 points (+2|-0)

To not look affluent do these things: wear cheaper clothes and shoes, drive a car that's a few years old that didn't sell for more than $30,000 new. When gold-diggers see these thing, they'll dump you quickly. Real women interested in you will accept you as is. Don't tell any of them what your net worth is until you decide to get married. Make sure they didn't do a deep search of your net worth. If you're a local celebrity, you're stuck.

[–] ScorpioGlitch [OP] 0 points (+0|-0)

I'm known by a lot of people but have been mostly "out of the loop" for the last 4 years (deliberately). My car is 14 years old but it's been so well cared for that it looks and runs and sounds like it's at most 3 years old (except for the body style). I'm well-known in both tech and art circles in the area but more the art scene.

I guess maybe running to a second-hand or used clothing store is in order for me. Get something a bit worn or oversized or whatever.

Make sure they didn't do a deep search of your net worth

How does one even do that? I mean, sure, maybe check out the property value of my address but how else? You can't hardly find me online even if you know my full name. Every year or so, I do searches on myself and make sure to scrub everything I can. I make sure there's no pictures of me online from when I'm out of the country or traveling. All social media is locked down tight and you can't find me at all.