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please give me some advice i am lost

posted by veryunhappyturtle on Whatever

UPDATE:

Hey guys, update here.

Couldn't get into the military for allergy reasons unfortunately, but I got a back pack packed with necessities and I am beginning my life as a homeless person. Thank you every for the advice, I'm sure I'll find my way one day. Alright, bye.

__

I don't know how to start this so I will just wing it.

I was engaged to a girl, we were high school sweethearts and moved out on our own for a year after she graduated college. I worked 40 hours a week in a job that I didn't really like, but it paid the bills and I got to be on my own with my love. However, she a had job that was actually losing us money, she was in video production as a freelancer, she ended up owing thousands of dollars to the government which was taken from my tax return. That's when I started to feel weird about us and our situation. Anyway, we had to move back in with her mother because we couldn't afford to be on our own with her job.

We lived in her mother's living room for a year with her mom and her mother's super ass hole boyfriend. We managed to save like 17,000 dollars but my ex fiance was just afraid to move somewhere and find a job. We talked about it often and I tried really hard to light a fire under her ass, to no avail. I started to resent her, and our living situation. She then started hanging out with one of her guy friends from college which I didn't really care, had no reason to not trust her. Things got weird though when I had to work on valentine's day and she hung out with that friend, I found the love note he wrote her in the car we leased together. So, I packed my bags and moved to Florida to live with my brother, in a car that would later be my demise.

So I am in Florida. I have 7,000 dollars, and it's going away really fast between my car payment and my credit card payments. It was all gone in about four months, I could only find part time jobs that didn't even cover my car payments fully. I was sleeping on the top bunk of a bunk bed with my two nephews in the same room, needless to say I had no privacy. Then I met a girl who was pretty cool, she made me feel great and I loved her personality and we got a long really well. So, I fell in love with her and moved in with her. My car got repossessed, and my credit took a nose dive. So I just started riding my bike to work, it was in the city so it wasn't terrible, plus it was great exercise. So we're living together, things were pretty great for a while, then a hurricane hit and we were misplaced and I missed a bunch of work. We found a new place to live and I was able to get to work again. I got her an apprenticeship with my tattoo friend, because she wanted to be a tattoo artist. Then her father died. So, long story short, I found out about two months ago now that she and my tattoo friend have been fucking each other for a while. This really messed me up, I am a little better now, but it still hurts from time to time, living a lie for that long.

So after all that, I had to move back in with my brother again, which is where I am now. I found out my license was suspended from my car getting repossessed, I finally tracked down the right papers I need to get to fix that issue, they're in the mail right now, I have just enough money to get my license back, but I also might need my birth certificate which I don't have and can't really afford. So, at the moment, I have no car, no license, no job because I had to move in with my brother 30 miles from the job I had with no car, I am in the middle of absolutely no where and I can't get a job because I don't have my license and I can't get an ID because I don't have my birth certificate because I need to try and get my license un-suspended. I have my own room this time which is great, but I am trapped in the house, away from civilization, no joke, I am in bum fuck.

I don't know what to do. I've been having really awful thoughts about suicide lately, fortunately I have my friends to talk to, they help me feel better and come to terms about how awful suicide would really be. However, I still feel like dying all the time. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost, and stuck, I'm trying not to lose hope but, I don't know what to do. I've been looking up places to be homeless, I read that key west has great weather for homeless people, but I don't have a way to get there.

Has anyone been through something like this? What do I do? I need advice. I'm scared and lonely, I've never given up before but I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared.

Thank you.

UPDATE: Hey guys, update here. Couldn't get into the military for allergy reasons unfortunately, but I got a back pack packed with necessities and I am beginning my life as a homeless person. Thank you every for the advice, I'm sure I'll find my way one day. Alright, bye. __ I don't know how to start this so I will just wing it. I was engaged to a girl, we were high school sweethearts and moved out on our own for a year after she graduated college. I worked 40 hours a week in a job that I didn't really like, but it paid the bills and I got to be on my own with my love. However, she a had job that was actually losing us money, she was in video production as a freelancer, she ended up owing thousands of dollars to the government which was taken from my tax return. That's when I started to feel weird about us and our situation. Anyway, we had to move back in with her mother because we couldn't afford to be on our own with her job. We lived in her mother's living room for a year with her mom and her mother's super ass hole boyfriend. We managed to save like 17,000 dollars but my ex fiance was just afraid to move somewhere and find a job. We talked about it often and I tried really hard to light a fire under her ass, to no avail. I started to resent her, and our living situation. She then started hanging out with one of her guy friends from college which I didn't really care, had no reason to not trust her. Things got weird though when I had to work on valentine's day and she hung out with that friend, I found the love note he wrote her in the car we leased together. So, I packed my bags and moved to Florida to live with my brother, in a car that would later be my demise. So I am in Florida. I have 7,000 dollars, and it's going away really fast between my car payment and my credit card payments. It was all gone in about four months, I could only find part time jobs that didn't even cover my car payments fully. I was sleeping on the top bunk of a bunk bed with my two nephews in the same room, needless to say I had no privacy. Then I met a girl who was pretty cool, she made me feel great and I loved her personality and we got a long really well. So, I fell in love with her and moved in with her. My car got repossessed, and my credit took a nose dive. So I just started riding my bike to work, it was in the city so it wasn't terrible, plus it was great exercise. So we're living together, things were pretty great for a while, then a hurricane hit and we were misplaced and I missed a bunch of work. We found a new place to live and I was able to get to work again. I got her an apprenticeship with my tattoo friend, because she wanted to be a tattoo artist. Then her father died. So, long story short, I found out about two months ago now that she and my tattoo friend have been fucking each other for a while. This really messed me up, I am a little better now, but it still hurts from time to time, living a lie for that long. So after all that, I had to move back in with my brother again, which is where I am now. I found out my license was suspended from my car getting repossessed, I finally tracked down the right papers I need to get to fix that issue, they're in the mail right now, I have just enough money to get my license back, but I also might need my birth certificate which I don't have and can't really afford. So, at the moment, I have no car, no license, no job because I had to move in with my brother 30 miles from the job I had with no car, I am in the middle of absolutely no where and I can't get a job because I don't have my license and I can't get an ID because I don't have my birth certificate because I need to try and get my license un-suspended. I have my own room this time which is great, but I am trapped in the house, away from civilization, no joke, I am in bum fuck. I don't know what to do. I've been having really awful thoughts about suicide lately, fortunately I have my friends to talk to, they help me feel better and come to terms about how awful suicide would really be. However, I still feel like dying all the time. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost, and stuck, I'm trying not to lose hope but, I don't know what to do. I've been looking up places to be homeless, I read that key west has great weather for homeless people, but I don't have a way to get there. Has anyone been through something like this? What do I do? I need advice. I'm scared and lonely, I've never given up before but I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared. Thank you.

31 comments

[–] [Deleted] 9 points (+9|-0)

Edited

How old are you? The armed forces might give you a chance to get things rolling again and provide some additional job training. If you don't really wanna go to war etc I'd go for something like the coast guard. You'd be amazed how much something to do will improve your outlook and give you a sense of purpose. I know my advice isn't for everyone but being self sufficient again will do wonders for your emotional state. It's as simple as keeping your head down, doing what they ask, and just stay out of the teenage high school level drama you'll encounter here and there. Military service is a great inroads to other service jobs like fire fighter etc as well. Simple stability is highly underrated.

typo edit: changed keeping your head own to down. But keeping your head your own is good as well :)

[–] sidewalker_Principle 3 points (+3|-0)

I upvoted this because I agree. While save and I have had our tidbits with each other, he has a few good things to say.

@veryunhappyturtle you should listen too. While you are young, if you find yourself at a point in your life where nothing is available, think before you act. If you are truly at your last rope in life, and are on the edge of suicide or any other drastic situation, find your local militia/military and get involved.

If you are like me and detest war and those who benefit from it, then simply join a lower level regiment and begin training your body and mind. Train yourself...for yourself. Don't let this world get a hold of you to the point of destruction.

[–] veryunhappyturtle [OP] 3 points (+3|-0)

I have emailed the Air Force and Navy. I don't care for war, I'd like to help people if I could. At this point though, I just need a purpose. Thank you for your advice again.

[–] sidewalker_Principle 1 points (+1|-0)

There is hope. You have to make the hope yourself, but once you do...it does exist.

[–] [Deleted] 1 points (+1|-0)

Yeah man I like your posts. Sometimes I'm just contrary to be contrary whether it's b/c of spirits or whatever. Sometimes it's just good to do the devil's advocate thing.