So years ago I was horny and lonely and had a lot of money and no sense of shame. Inevitably I bought a sex doll.
It was a mistake of a purchase, not only because it marks me as an ultravirgin, or because it cost $700, or because it was an unwieldy mass of Chinese silicone with a fucked up skeleton and weird spindly alien-looking limbs and a permanently bored face, no. None of that. The true retardery of that purchase was the fact that I was living with my parents at the time. I timed the delivery to be when they were out of town and nearly knocked a bunch of shit over trying to get it up the stairs.
Years go by and I maybe use that thing three times. Five if we're counting loads instead of sessions. I had it hidden well and taking it out and hiding it again was too much of a pain in the ass for what was essentially an oversized fleshlight.
Fast forward to today, I'm only a few thousand dollars away from finally buying my own place and moving out of my parents house. With this in mind I knew I needed to formulate a plan to get rid of that thing.
Then I hear my parents talking about replacing all our carpets with hard-wood floors. That accelerates the deadline quite a bit.
The nearest landfill was a 2 hour drive. They like to fuck you with all kinds of surprise fees, and you have to declare what you're dumping, if they even allow you to dump it there which wasn't certain in this case. Also normal trash pickup wouldn't take it, and even if they did the box would look suspicious sitting out on our curb. So throwing it away wasn't the best option.
I needed to appeal to the saddest degenerates of the world and sell it.
So last Friday night I take that thing out for the last time. Not to put any loads in it, but to remove the remnants of previous loads. The vagina had a removable fleshlight insert thing, so taking that out to clean it was easy enough, but the asshole was embedded into the doll itself. Cleaning that out meant I had to shove my fist in there with a bunch of bleach wipes, swirl them around as best I could, and keep going until I don't see any more crusty load pieces coming out. Just like the nurses taking care of @Jobes' mom.
By the time I was done cleaning the asshole my hand felt like it was tingling from basically marinating in disinfectant. I gave the rest of the doll a wipedown, took some pictures, sprayed the inside of the box with lysol, put the doll back in, sprayed it with lysol again, and packed it up as quietly as possible.
The next problem is that it's kind of heavy. I could pick it up and carry it for a little bit, but not for long periods, and definitely not downstairs. I let it slide slowly down the stairs with me behind it, luckily didn't make enough noise to alert my parents. After that I sort of 'walked' it out of the house and to my car.
Sort of like this but without the ropes
I got it into my car, worried that all my neighbors were watching me and knew exactly what was in the box. Covered it with some black trash bags so it wouldn't be as visible from the outside.
With that out of the way I was safe for when the floors get replaced, but I had to get rid of it for good. I listed the doll on a website using the pictures I took before I repacked it. Put it up for an insanely low price hoping to get a buyer as soon as possible.
Unsurprisingly, a lot of people thought it was a scam, which is exactly what I would have assumed. But it was only a matter of time until I found someone who was sad and desperate enough.
Somehow he was so broke that he had to pay for it in pieces, but he sounded so down bad for my used sex doll that I felt bad for him. After a few payments I told him I would hold it for him, and once I got the bulk of it I finally agreed to ship it out.
Luckily the fedex lady didn't ask me what was in it. I was prepared to just tell her it was a mannequin, but I know that if I had said that she probably would have instantly figured out it wasn't a mannequin. I am a bad liar.
Ultimately the guy still owes me like $20 but I don't really care if I end up getting it. I managed to get that thing out of my life without losing too much money, and I got to make some other sad loser happy.
Also the doll's name was Techius.
The end.
Cool story bro