>walk into airport
>check bags numerous times to make sure they are under the 300 gram weight limit
>check in
>walk through 15 uranium rings to satisfy security
>empty my bladder because i'm not allowed any liquids on the plane
>asked to step aside
>brutally fisted for several hours until they find the lip balm hidden in my lower intestine
>finally make it to the gate, still on time because flight was delayed for 10 hours
>board the plane and immediately have my laptop seized
>give away my passwords so i don't have to suffer another cavity search
>subjected to another cavity search anyway, for safety
>finally squeeze into my seat sandwiched between two Murican wildebeest with their screaming offspring strapped to their chests
>breathe a sigh of relief
>"Sir, we're afraid you've volunteered to get on the next flight because we're overbooked"
>comply peacefully, savagely beaten in the process for resisting
>last thing i see is a guy in a turban shouting something
>plane explodes
10/10 would fly with United Airlines again
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