Guys I really wanted to believe that Virginia Western was not the cesspool of morons all my fellow biology faculty told me it would be. Unfortunately your finals, which I purposely made as easy as humanly possible, tanked harder than a Kardashian marriage. I personally apologise for expecting the bare minimum from you as students. If you look at your grade book you will notice that you all have gotten a 50 point grade bump as 'extra credit' and no this was not because any of you deserved it but it was infact so I don't get my ass fired when the dean asks me 'hey why the fuck did 50% of your class fail an introductory biology class' to whom I will reply 'hmm I don't know maybe its because these klingons are 18 years old and still giggle every time I say the term 'phagocytosis'. I'd like to add that in fact one of you got a 5/100 on this exam for which I salute you. Considering this was 100% multiple choice and the statistical probability of you missing more than 90% GUESSING is actually higher than your chances of getting laid, which for this student would be an act of God (please stay out of the gene pool you know who you are). I could have actually taken a shit on the scantron, wiped it off on the grass, and I am pretty certain my feces could have picked up more correct answers than you deliberately bubbled in. So congratulations, on making me lose faith in the public school system, and in humanity.
I want to believe.