I apologize for the rather...serious (?) broccoli post as opposed to the usual silliness.
I used to work at a university in France, and they had a cafeteria that had the best goddam broccoli I've ever had. It was very, very soft, yet at the same time not soggy at all. Maybe it was also very lightly salted, if I'm remembering correctly? It was the best goddam broccoli I ever had. Whenever they served it, I would stack my plate with the stuff.
I just, I want to recreate it, but I'm having a tough time figuring out how they did it.
Possibly blanched. I do that with a lot of vegetables. Just put it in boiling water for a very short time, about 30 seconds, then strain and immediately put it in cold water. Add salt and a little bit of lemon. Works for most vegetables from spinach to broccoli. Boil time varies for size and type of vegetables