Are you lazy?
Incompetent?
Struggle with basic math?
Have poor hygiene?
Don't like taking instructions?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then you are ready to join our team!
Yes, that's right. We accept only the highest quality applicants. And if you find yourself saying, "gee I think I'm gonna call out on my second day". Then you are perfect to join our team.
I can't wait to bash my head into walls trying to train you.
You incompetent chucklefucks.
Update: the kid who inspired this post got fire about an hour in to his second shift today, much to my relief.
I'm gonna have to go ahead and request a severance package. I want 6 months of full pay, 2 years of travel expenses, new company vehicle, and company discounts for life.