Cook some meat in the frying pan making sure you use a meat that will leave a bit of lard in the pan once you take it out. Then leave your frying pan on almost full heat for another 3 hours while you go fuck around in the backyard making sure you shut the doors firmly so you can't smell the pattern slowly imprinting itself on your new cookware as it burns 1000 times and leaves a lasting reminder of your impromptu art session.
sounds great. I believe my 90 year-old mum has perfected this art form...