"I have found in forty years of activism that the toxic/healthy dichotomy doesn't resonate for many men. I feel that when we come to them and talk about toxic masculinity, they very often think that we're telling them they're doing it wrong, that they're bad, and they have to change and give up their ideas of masculinity, the toxic ones, and embrace the new one. Basically we’re asking them to renounce Vin Diesel and embrace Ryan Gosling. And men won't go for it. They're too afraid to let go of things because you think they're unhealthy...So my job then shifted, not from scolding them to saying, “How can I support you living up to, not my definition of a good man, but yours?"
Ask a Feminist: Michael Kimmel and Lisa Wade Discuss Toxic Masculinity (Signs, Summer 2018).
podcast with transcript
http://signsjournal.org/kimmel-wade-toxic-masculinity/
a very liberal read, and yes people actually think like this
see also this extended discussion
https://www.metafilter.com/173768/Ask-a-Feminist-On-Masculinity
because you have to be able to get inside the other person's head, even if they are wrong
How does this compare to how women respond when confronted about their toxic femininity? Yeah, we need you to renounce that Hillary-Clinton side of yourself, to better suit the other's genders preferences for how you should act.
I'm sure that goes over real fucking well with most of them.