/s/DomSubLife NSFW
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Welcome to Dominate/Submissive Life
I have been the submissive in a 24/7 D/s relationship since January 2018. We're now married and as happy as ever.
I want this Subverse to be a place where I can share general information about such relationships. Or, at least how I and many others view them, as I've freely snatched many references and memes from the web.
This is also a place to ask questions about DS, a part of BDSM.
It's a funny acronym, BDSM. It covers Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.
DS is not whips and chains and torture and extreme sexual activity... That's more in the realm of S and M or B and D. Which is not to say that the lines never blur. My particular D/s relationship is of the "DD/lg" variety, but we have lots and lots and lots of rope ;-)
From the Submissive's side, DS is about willingly submitting control over your person to someone whom you trust deeply enough to know that they would never knowingly cause you harm, and knowing that they will protect you no matter what. You follow and obey them and abide by their rules. Those could be to bring your Dom breakfast in bed every morning, to provide back rubs, to stand quietly, etc. Sex be might involved. Or not. The DS relationship doesn't require a physical sexual component and some don't. You follow and obey your Dom's rules or suffer the consequences. Abide by the contract (see, below).
For the Dominant partner, DS is bending and shaping the Sub to your will and whatever else your relationship allows. The Dominant partner set the rules, protects and guides the sub, and shields them from external pressures. Doms shape subs into better versions of themselves. A good Dominate partner abides by and does not unilaterally change the contract (see, below).
Again, lines get blurry and your perfect DS relationship can be radically different from mine or anyone else's for that matter. It's your relationship - you shape it. There are many variations in DS relationship power dynamics, too. Too many to list or for me to even know about.
A good way to explore beginning a DS relationship (besides knowing that you won't scare the person to death by broaching the subject), is with plenty of discussion, some research, and then deciding on a contract. Verbal, written, whatever. But it must be agreed on by both parties and then strictly adhered to. I mentioned deep trust, earlier. DS is a relationship built on trust. Screw up and it will end or it will become toxic. Just like a marriage does.
BDSM must be safe, sane, and consensual. Anything else is abuse, pure and simple.
Love ya,
Anne.
(P.S., Yes, I do have an active blog. But I won't share it with you. There is too much personal info there that I'd rather not connect to me here.)
(P.P.S., Thanks, Jobes!)
Rules Amplification:
No porn. That's not what this is about. Nudity is permitted, but please don't start posting nudes just to post nudes.
I don't expect anyone to post videos. But, if you find one that's on-topic and not porn, feel free to share it.
Be respectful of other flavors of BDSM. Please keep discussions friendly and civil.
Do not make personal attacks on others. Not your job.
Do not provide us with your version of morality and why we're all going to burn in hell: You're a looney tune that I'll ban without warning.
Think what you want about how freaking stupid someone else's relationship sounds. But keep it to yourself.
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This is a very important concept. It's a good read and explains why you feel the way you do when the action is over.
My aftercare depends on what the before was. I love to be bound and restrained (with the bestest part). After some play, I'm a barely coherent mess of crying, sobbing girl. Not from pain, it's more the absolute, instant release of any stress or worry having been ripped out of my consciousness. Being tied and completely at the mercy of my captor puts me off into my own world where I merely "am." It's like being above it all and watching everything from another's eyes. I feel and react and struggle/comply and just go with it, what ever it is.
After along tie session, my dom holds and soothes me, wraps a blanket around me where ever I happen to be lying at the moment, and caresses me as one would hold and comfort a frightened child. There's never any fear, Not really. But I comfort my son in much the same way after a nightmare or an owie.
He strokes the rope marks he made and gives me the little loving kisses and reassurances, and cuddles me until I fall asleep.
If your play is more into the harder areas, your aftercare needs to take that into account. Salves, cold pack, hot packs, etc. Plan for what you might want applied if you had an injury with similar results as your play.