I saw Kim Jong Un at the United Nations in New York yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued meeting other world leaders, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to the General Assembly room I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen nuclear briefcases in his hands.
The girl guarding the room was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to give those back.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the other nuclear powers.
When Donald Trump took his nuclear football and started to enter the launch codes, Kim stopped him and told him to nuke France instead of North Korea “to prevent any geopolitical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After Trump entered each code and prepared to press the launch button, Kim kept interrupting him by yawning really loudly.
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