today is the day. to prove your worth, to swear your allegiance, to earn your BANHAMMER. yes, you've heard me right. your old pal glixymon is letting you into the club. I'm sure by this point you've entered a fever and these next few lines will take a few tries to process. calm your fluster, and bear with me.
at midnight on December the 8th a tragedy took place. a horrible terrible unacceptable thing really. the most famous and best online game reserved for the truest and most hardcore gamers, Risk: Global Domination, made a mistake I will never let them forget.
yes, this morning, at the crack of noon, old glixy logs in for a round or two of dominating lesser men and their mothers.
but woe! what is this? how can it be?? the best and most favorable feature of the entire game! GONE! GONE!
what you ask? a button, a simple button, that the devs saw fit to remove. but truly, this was no simple button.
it was a chat button inscribed with 'go ham!'
how I loved this button. how I clicked it endlessly throughout endless games, demanding everyone to GO HAM!
as I quickly discovered these messages transcended the weak veneer of a mere chat message, yes, every time I hit that glorious ham I myself and those around me became STRONGER.
I'm sure everyone on of you have noticed, it is by no chance that I quickly rose to top #1 alpha male around here in a matter of weeks. it was by the ham magic of GO HAM!
and now, I am left crippled, and the world has become a darker and less just place by the hand of my enemies. we can not allow them to succeed! we cannot allow inferior beings to ban the ham that is rightfully ours! we are the true ham banners of this world and we must not let this holy right fall from limp hands!
now, sweet icicles, takes this frenzy I have thrust into you and storm the bastards discord demanding the magical right of going ham never be taken from the face of the earth! fly! fly away! and return new glorious men!
wat