the fake news media won't report on this. he's already gained a small band of naked and partially clothed followers. they've taken to swinging from lamp post to lamp post like great hairless apes. reports are coming in of actual apes and orangutans joining the fray, the sound of beating chests and throaty cries growing ever louder. they're on a trajectory towards the capitol with increasing momentum. they've plowed through a dozen roadblocks in increasing magnitude with little loss of speed. at the head of the chaos rides our man Matt, who now seems to becoming increasingly tattooed and muscular as anything in his path is hewn down with great swipes of his now Michael Jordan-Space Jam sized arms. behind this great wave lays nothing but dirt, even the smallest monument of man has been utterly pulverized or launched into space. ahead of them the earth quakes, and every living thing flees with mortal dread before becoming quickly ensnared by that aura of adamant oozing from Matty. a banana shop to the right has caused the gorillas to fall out of line, Matt leaps over in one bound and begins crushing skull against skull creating a heap of already rotting carrion beneath him. lifting the last poor soul up and over his head he begins to spin him in great arcing circles, finally the beast is released and sent hurtling towards the Capitol miles away, where he impales on it's very peak, sinking down before coming to a rest. the orangutans quicken their pace considerably. by this time his following has grown to goliath proportions, the dark throbbing mass now easily visible from space. every kind of creature known to man has joined the madness, making up almost half the population. the rest are men, woman and children driven mad and frothing at the mouth from the very sight of Matty, his unquenchable might. they are now only a few miles off of the capitol and gaining.
whose blunder is responsible for this holocaust of unheard proportions? what have you done to us jobes?