I went to San Francisco for some sort of family reunion but for some reason (nobody in my family is a liberal or a hippy - at least not on the side that has reunions). I forgot to pack any clothes and only brought like $40 so I asked if anyone wanted to take m e to Goodwill but nobody was willing to help me out. I sit in this family reunion rather disgruntled because I was expecting a nice week in California but instead it looks like I might have to head back to the airport the next day and see if I can move onto a sooner flight. I decide Phuk it, I'm in San Fran and bums get by just fine, I'll just ditch these people. In order to weird them out, I guess, I put on a cardboard box outfit ala AWESOME-O 4000 and give my goodbye hugs to my family.
So here I am, some weirdo walking down a road in San Francisco dressed head to toe in cardboard. At least nobody I know will see me and I'll be just another weirdo to everyone else. So I'm joking around with everyone I come across in my wanderings, people shout out an insult and I shout back "AWESOME-O UNDERSTANDS YOU, AWESOME-O FORGIVES YOU."
After an hour or two of aimlessly meandering through the streets this is getting very old so I take off the head portion of my outfit and am looking for a spot to ditch the rest of it. That is when I notice the people ahead of me walking toward me are some people I used to know in high school. I freeze for a second not sure if I should quickly put my head back on and pretend I don't notice them, dive into an alley, or own it and say hi. I knew these guys were weirdos themselves, at least in high school, so I decide to play it off as a weird decision I made after taking some really good acid. They are definitely weirded out but invite me to come hang out with them that evening.
When we get back to their place I find out that they are just stopping home before heading out to a party so they get changed, I remove my cardboard suit, we smoke smoke and then head out. We arrive at the party and its pretty typical but we realize we're all really hungry and there is nowhere good to order delivery but the owner of the place says there is a really good grocery store nearby and he has a van that can fit most of us. After 10-15 people pile into this party van, we were off.
When we arrived, we poured out of the van in front of some confused lady like we were clowns getting out of a clown car. Immediately upon entering the store there is a pizzeria and I know that that is definitely what I want so I and several other like-minded people head straight to it. We are told our orders will take about 20 minutes to bake so we go to mill around the store for a while and see what everyone else is getting. I head back after the prescribed time and see that of my pizza, a single slice is left. I ask what happened and they nonchalantly say that other customers wanted slices of it and if I wanted a full pizza I'd have to wait another 20 minutes. Agitated but hungry, I agree and ask them not to sell my pizza to other people this time. I go back to the group who is still milling around the store and tell them to take their time cause the pizzeria screwed up and its still going to be another 20 minutes. Not a big deal but not preferable.
We killed some time and when we went back to the front of the store, I see things are closing down and I worry briefly until I see there is indeed on fresh pizza sitting there waiting for me. I went to go pick it up but while talking to the worker, I turn back and notice the last pizza just disappeared. The employee tells me that they don't have an order for me and that they were closed. I ask him if there is anyone I can talk to about this and he says his boss just left. I head out to the parking lot looking for the guy but I have no idea what he looks like so I ask a leaving employee what he looks like. He's a guy in a fancy looking suit standing in the side parking lot talking on his cell phone.
I head toward the manager giving him enough time to finish his call and arrive just as he is taking off his suit jacket and apologize to him for bothering him when he is off the clock. I explain that the pizzeria twice failed to make my pizza and I wanted my money back or something. He flatly tells me no and to go away as he takes off his shirt and reveals his undershirt is a Falcons jersey. I'm pissed so I tell him no but he ignores me and pulls out a fresh pizza he had in the backseat of his car and heads toward the bar next door where I see a couple other guys wearing Falcons jerseys beckoning him to come over. Livid, I knock my pizza out of his hand and tell him to go fuck himself. He takes a swing at me but I tackle him. I hear shouts from multiple directions but I'm to busy wrestling this guy on the ground to notice where they are coming from. I do catch a glimpse that this guys friends are sprinting towards us so I prepare to get my ass kicked but just in time, my more numerous friends arrived and scared them off and dragged me away. I ended up sharing a pizza with someone else and having a fine remainder of the evening with no resolution as to how I got out of San Francisco.
tldr; My subconscious is rooting against the Falcons so GO PATRIOTS!
This shit sounds so surreal, I have a hard time believing it's made up, especially as nothing that paints you in any kind of good light actually happens. Outside of that, it would be a good candidate for s/thathappened.
Main takeaways from this: