5 comments
Well shit happens when "skimpy plans" come along and everyone isn't forced to buy mental health coverage to subsidize you're fashionable but 100% real struggle. I can't imagine how hard it is to be a coconut welded shut in the hatchback of a 90s Ford Festiva. My heart goes out to you. Thoughts and prayers.
Have you tried a kickstarter to fund your disassembly so everyone can see the groceries hiding in your boot? This isn't the dark ages. Modern engineers have discovered the jaws of life. See... Unlike all those evil racist, homophobic, carnivorous animal murdering Drumphf supporters I get you. You're complex. I understand it's not just all coconuts in your bag. There's also ethically sourced vegan sushi from the Gobi Desert thats been blessed by a scientologist shaman hiding in there. As well as an onion... b/c you're complex and have layers that people need to peel back so they can see the real you.
Deep down I believe people care and w/ just 20% more in mandatory health taxes plus $5.99 a month for the next 8 years we'll be able to help you get back to the produce section w/ the gourmet foods refrigerator case you were in a past life. Terms, conditions, and a ballon payment in 2 years may apply. I truly believe, it's our moral obligation to progress towards a future where no one forces you to be separated from your $7 organic avocado lover.
In the meantime stay gluten free and true to yourself Aisle 7. You're fierce, strong, independent, and don't need no man b/c your comrades are w/ you. I've placed a whole foods logo filter on my profile picture to show my support.
Xir/xushi/xirduce. See?!!! I even learned your pronouns. If you support Proposition 66 and 99 we'll make sure proposition 69 never comes to pass. Anyone who misidentifies you as male and doesn't use the proper pronouns will be charged w/ the hate crime they deserve. Just b/c you're covered in unkempt hipster face pubes does not mean you're a man!!!!! It's the customers and conservatives who are wrong.
They hate children and refuse to pay for dem necessary programs to ensure that every unkempt hipster beard has access to a fully credentialed African transgender midget beard stylist. Hair care is a fundamental hipster right but those handicapable (never use the r word) Nazi's would tell you otherwise. One day you won't have to be covered in hipster pubes when Republicans take responsibility for the hate crimes commonly referred to as the "Hair holocaust". Don't believe these alternate facts they push where it's referred to as the "grooming standard" during WW1 and WW2. #NOTALLGASMASKS We'll show them that they're not all the same and some work w/o the need for a smooth facial surface to form a seal to.
The only way we can fix this is by admitting more followers of the religion of peace. Everyone knows they love beard follicles and surely wouldn't allow another 6 million to be shaved. We're so close to a utopian future where ebil racist white males w/ bacon sandwiches who know words like taqiyya and abrogation will be imprisoned. No longer will they be permitted to read the works of the majority of Islamic scientists and scholars only so they can point out these so called "unpopular truths" and "alternate facts" about our beloved death cult. We'll give the white saracens a pass b/c unlike these racist white crusaders they understand the meaning of tolerance.
Aloha Snackbar brothers. Reese's Pieces be upon you. One day we shall succeed and stop these christ loving heretics from allowing dogs around children. They're unclean animals.
Never forget we're merciful and that apostasy is a crime. We'll lovingly kill you if you try to leave the faith of the one god so you won't have to endure the pain of living as an infidel. Every man deserves 40 acres and a goat to fuck. Die for the cause today so you can enter our eternal paradise w/ 72 trashbag clad virgins and Bacha Bazi while supplies last. It's your choice, mix and match.
In the immortal words of the most tolerant easy riding liberal that's ever lived, "We should kidnap and lock his 12 year old son in a cage w/ a pedophile. Peace love and free sex yippy brothers.
If you like your healthcare, you can keep it. Thanks President Alinsky!!