Having lost his own wife, he married his son to the daughter of Paulus Aemilius, who was sister to Scipio; so that being now a widower, himself, he had a young girl who came privately to visit him [for the purposes of smashing genitals together], but the house being very small, and a daughter-in-law also in it, this practice was quickly discovered; for the young woman seeming once to pass through it a little too boldly, the youth, his son, though he said nothing, seemed to look somewhat indignantly upon her.
The old man perceiving and understanding that what he did was disliked, without finding any fault or saying a word, went away, as his custom was, with his usual companions to the market: and among the rest, he called aloud to one Salonius, who had been a clerk under him, and asked him whether he had married his daughter? He answered no, nor would he, till he had consulted him. Said Cato, “Then I have found out a fit son-in-law for you, if he should not displease by reason of his age; for in all other points there is no fault to be found in him; but he is indeed, as I said, extremely old.”
However, Salonius desired him to undertake the business, and to give the young girl to whom he pleased, she being a humble servant of his, who stood in need of his care and patronage. Upon this Cato, without any more ado, told him he desired to have the damsel himself. These words, as may well be imagined, at first astonished the man, conceiving that Cato was far off from marrying, as he from a likelihood of being allied to the family of one who had been consul and had triumphed; but perceiving him in earnest, he consented willingly; and going onwards to the forum, they quickly completed the bargain.
Whilst the marriage was in hand, Cato’s son, taking some of his friends along with him, went and asked his father if it were for any offence he brought in a stepmother upon him? But Cato cried out, “Far from it, my son, I have no fault to find with you or anything of yours; only I desire to have many children, and to leave the commonwealth more such citizens as you are.”
tl;dr:
Cato the Elder’s wife had recently passed, and he started seeing a young girl on the side. She would sneak into his house for some adult fun on the regular. However, Cato’s son had recently married, and the young couple were still living in the house with him, so the secret didn’t last long. Realizing his family was grumbling behind his back, he went to the market.
At the market, he started talking to a guy about marrying off his daughter. The guy had worked under him and looked up to Cato, and said that no, he hadn’t yet found anyone suitable. So Cato says he has the perfect guy in mind, only he’s kind of old. The guy reasons that, hey, you’re one of the most prominent Romans alive and I trust that you’ve selected a fine match for my daughter. I think I’d like to hear who this guy is.
So Cato says, that guy is ME! The guy’s daughter is the same young girl who was already visiting him at night. The guy wasn’t expecting this, but thought, marry my humble daughter to such a great Roman figure? The answer is yes. Claim to fame, here we go!
Later, Cato’s son confronts him and asks him what he did to deserve such a punishment as a new stepmother (some problems are as old as time). Cato says, nothing, I just want to have a bunch more kids just like you.
Oh Cato. You dog, you.
Source:
Plutarch, John Dryden, and Arthur Hugh Clough. "Marcus Cato." Plutarch's Lives. New York: Modern Library, 2001. 476-77. Print.
Further Reading:
No comments, yet...