Well, maybe my outward appearance, re: https://phuks.co/s/DomSubLife/78294/yes-dear-with-thanks-to-r-a-h-for-his-eternal-wisdoms
I was collared before his proposal. I was satisfied with that. <long story>
It's really not whips and chains and grovelng subservience unless that what you both agree to in advance of entering into the relationship. That agreement, "The Contract," covers the responsibilites of both, listing acts allowable and forbidden (sex, restraints, monogamy, sharing, punishments, etc.)
Both sides need deep trust to begin this. 50 shades was a study in stalking and sexual abuse. That is all crap.
The submissive needs to have absolute trust in the Dom, without being manipulated into it. No one wants to end up deranged from psychological torture and physical/sexual abuse. I trust Peter completely and utterly. He would no sooner knowingly harm me, than a sane person would extinguish the Sun.
Sex isn't necessary, either. Some DS's don't have any. DS relationships vary widely. Some are looser, some more strict. Some couples trade roles as it suits them.
Ours is 100% D/s. He's in control no matter how we're playing. When I say that I am a 24/7 submissive, that means that I will do what I'm told, "now." I get bratty or disobedient sometimes to force a reaction for some more playtime (it better not be about anything serious, though. I have to "read the room" carefully to avoid mistakes. When that happens, the Dom needs to judge the situation and act appropriately. Sometimes more play along that thread occurs and sometimes guidance is needed. That might, or might not, include a negative reinforcement (like those last two posts, for example).
The punishments vary by how we're playing, where we are at that moment, and how the Dom decides deal with it (the default, setting ;-) ).
DD/lg gets one thing, the nekomasume something else, the me that's left gets served some different, too.
Punishments in no particular order: Assuming a submissive pose and remaining stay and quiet for an hour, Tickle Monsters, no dessert, writing out a phrase a hundred times, no streaming, having a favorite item withheld (tablet, internet, toy, whatever ---- play dependent), etc. There're spankings and there are SPANKINGS ;-)
Spanking is the full extent of our impact play. Striking me with objects as a punishment is on the forbidden list. Unfortunately, a soft-serve cone to my bottom while I'm dozing by the pool after dinner wasn't specified.
There could also be a sexual component involved. Let your mind wander. PM mefor pertinent links if you want.
I don't have permission to disclose or discuss that aspect of our relationship. Suffice to say, we're both extremely happy.
So, yeah. Now I'm allowed to share a little. I hope you won't let any of this bother you. I'll respond with valid information to explain DS because so many people have a negatively skewed view caused by that idiot's book/movie.
You can PM any questions that you'd rather avoid asking in public. It's alright.
Anne
Punishment number 7